1. |
GRANADA
03:49
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i made a ship of myself from the stone of your grave - one that sat at port for six fucking years. casket lips, is this all we've been? tattered sails and battered hulls, cuts to mark the march of this?
i will keep you all in my chest, my last fading memories of my best time spent. i love you all more than i could've said. friends and family, i held you dear til the end.
(in dreams, i breathe with you in time, feel the warmth of your hand next to mine, and your chest on my chest like a reminder that this is what it means to survive.
but now this ship's set to sea, its sails on the mend, so i'll carry you with me til i see you again, and i'll open my lungs and i'll scream til the end of how lucky i was to have you as a friend.)
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2. |
SIDE 7
01:53
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you taught me that time can't fly, oh but it could fucking die (with a mouth full of bile, while i was nowhere to be found). what shock, what sudden burst of purpose, that it wasn't just my words that failed:
it was my body (still too scared to see yours for the last time!)
it was my legs (still too weak to walk the aisle to your casket!)
so i made my limbs into oars and fled across the sea instead.
i will make my home in this; i will drown my heart in it. i will carve this in my chest: "you are gone, but never dead."
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3. |
ZUDAH
02:17
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why can't things we love stay the same forever?
let's call this our battle of brussels: cannons and ruin and all, while snow piles up outside and i make peace with a bed that isn't mine. i will not forgive your "i will not forget you," - i will hold it in me until i can become nothing (and i will become nothing). i spit blood on the snow.
o and how i shook like the san andreas, took to writing all the things i was too afraid to scream, like, "i love you" or, "i'm leaving" or "i will never be able to forgive myself for this." and the traffic outside your berlin apartment crests, and city lights turn your windows into explosions of blue and white, and then i crest, and then i break, and then i break like waves on your beach.
"please, don't leave"
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4. |
LIVING DEAD DIVISION
04:06
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years change, and we touch like continents while a faultine tears a fighter from her fists. i taste it like copper in the spit of yr kiss: a language, a body (in every trace of this). o heart, hold fast / beat with me now.
sun sets - breathe in. we will not sing, "this all will hold, i will always be yr coast." sunrise - breathe out.
nothing is harmless anymore; words rot, held fast between different stars and different skies. i could never watch you cry. (and our hands, beneath strangling sheets...) now you drift on shallow seas as slow waves carry you to me.
"... you will never be effaced from the center of my heart. why say more?"
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